I was just called by a "friend" (reconsidering that status) and commanded to walk two blocks to go see her. Seems simple enough right? WRONGWRONGWRONG THE SECOND I GOT THERE I WAS SURROUNDED BY COMPLETE AND TOTAL MORONIC VAPID VAPID GIRLS AND THEY LOOKED AT ME LIKE I WAS THE WEIRDO FREAKASS.
This entire situation is such a Piss Off.
I mean, 1) my friend knows how I get around... people, why would she do this to me?
2) when I got there she gave me a hug and whispered in my ear "good luck, they're kinda bitchy" which is SO THE EXACT WRONG THING TO SAY EVER
3) they were all over-manicured and they had identical eyebrows (STUPIDLY identical) and the same too deep black hair parted on the side and wavy and WAY too much makeup to be comfortable considering how hot it was and booty shorts and tight tank tops and bad lipstick and phones and I was such an Odd One Out. Cause I strolled up all smiles and blonde hair and smiles and THE JUXTAPOSITION WAS INTENSE (in tents).
Important makeup note: if your foundation looks like melted plastic on your face--that generally means TOO MUCH
Not to mention they all kind of stared like I was dinner and none of them ever actually spoke a word to me. I was like "hi :)" and it was all *silence*.
I REGRET THAT SMILE.
I TAKE IT BACK.
YOU DON'T GET BLONDIE SMILES ANY MORE.
It was actually scary how... Robotic it all was. They were all identical. IDENTICAL.
WITH THE MAKEUP AND THE THIN AND THE STOMACH-BARING AND THE OH GOD GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think I stood round with them for, um, 5 minutes. And then I legitimately turned to my friend and completely abandoned her. "Sorry love, but I've gotta go be, um. Not here." I refused to give fucks. There was something about my mom making me clean sinks and me being "Suzy Fuckin' Homemaker" but I mostly just scrambled the fuck out of there, fast.
Fast.
I sometimes forget that people in real life are like that.
That there are real people who really act like that.
I bet they're not really emotionally attached to fictional characters or really stupidly excited by releases of varied fandom type stuff, the poor things.
I just wanted to scream "FRIENDS, DESPITE THE WAY YOU STARE, I AM VERY NOT THE LESSER BEING RIGHT NOW".
But I mostly I made excuses and
I thought my currently-exiled-for-exposing-me-to-that friend had better judgement than that. This is the first time I'm saying this, but I genuinely hope she hangs out with them purely for the drug connections (which are apparently incredible).
Well you know what? I'm not sorry. I'm NOT sorry that I'm a nerd and a dork and I'm excited and easily enthused. I'm NOT sorry that I don't wear booty shorts (I don't care how thin you are, that shit rides) and I would be considerably squishier in a tank top. And most of all, I'm NOT sorry for not being their asspirate identical i-Robot just cause they thought that drowning in foundation was The Look. I. Do. Not. Apologize. For infringing on five minutes of their precious goddamned useless time. I'm TRULY NOT SORRY that I showed up the exact OPPOSITE OF EVERYTHING THEY ARE/REPRESENT. I think, if ANYTHING else, I'll take my sunshiney smile and cutesy hair flowers. It's not precisely me, but it's more me than them, and THAT WORKS.
LET IT BE KNOWN FROM HERE ON OUT THAT
I
AM
NOT
SORRY.
Ughhhhhhhhhhhh rage.
You know when you walk into a group of strangers and you can immediately FEEL the disapproval? That. That that that.
And maybe if I hadn't been in the middle of trying not to wheeze and curl up and die right there on the spot, I would've stood straighter and glared back and been all Katniss Everdeen as I walked away saying "Thank you, for your consideration" except it wouldn't have been genuine because if I have to give up my individuality to be in someone's little effin group, well, no thank you.
But I didn't. Like the social-cue-missingest nerd that I am, I just calmly left. Immediately.
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It's amazing how much of an impact five minutes can make.
xx
Keep calm and NERD ON.
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